General Chat

Good morning to you all.
A nice bright & almost sunny day here, a bit chilly though, no snow just rain through the night.
A few minutes ago I popped outside to plant up 3 lovely Primroses into the border in front garden, I knwo I must be mad, there are many out there that thinks so, lol,

i bought them on Thursday in Morrisons, just 75 p each & they are just beautiful, just thought I would get them planted up before the snow comes !
Whilst outside I noticed a bunch of Snowdrops already in flower, that really cheered me up, there are many more clumps to come up yet though.
I also saw some Daffies peeping through as well.

Florence I do hope the flat is sold very soon.

Linda, I hope your house sale etc is all done & dusted soon as well,I don't think I could cope with selling or moving house now, it was bad enough near 40 yrs ago !

I hope everyone is ok & the weather where you are is not goin to be too bad.
Thanking everyone for the kind words & thoughts during after my recent input about hubby etc. It means soo much.

Joan.

good morning all, fairly bright out there but still only 3 degrees. I went back to sleep and woke at 9am so it is a good job I have nothing planned for today.

Linda enjoy your meal out, hope all are well and able to go and that your cough doesn't start. good idea to take a bottle of water with you.

Joan, thinking of you and hubby, hope you can reach an agreeable solution to things soon.
Florence Sounds as if things will soon be wrapped up with the flat. I am sure that will be a lot off your mind then.

JG short term memory loss can be frustrating both for the person and their partner. Daughter's OH is 70 next month, his short term memory is already really bad. The number of times he asks where to find things in my house, even after being away for a couple of weeks, is really frustrating. However it really doesn't seem to bother him and sometimes he asks where something is before he has even tried to locate it. and That is frustrating. (not to him). :-) :-)

Good morning, from a very frosty Yorkshire.
It is the monthly community litter pick today, but we will have to miss it. It is OH’s birthday on Wednesday, so we are going out for a pub lunch today with my daughter and the girls. I have hardly been out since New Year, because of the horrible flu type bug, so it will make a nice change. I will take cough lozenges and a bottle of water in case I have a coughing fit.

I hope everyone looking in is OK, especially Joan.

Good morning 0 degrees out there and low cloud, no frost. forecast is for it getting colder.
Being picked up at 1045 to go to the local community centre for the meeting of people interested in a new U3a group MOTO (Members on their own). To discuss ideas for meeting for coffee and chat on Saturdays. the worst days if you are on your own are the weekends. Even if you go out everyone seems to be with somebody.
glad the boiler is certified now Florence. Hope it can all progress now. Hope daughter brought something tasty for tea.

Hello all,

It's good that things are progressing on the flat sale front for you I hope it all continues to go smoothly .

Joan , I hope you are feeling ok today, I can't add anything really as others here have given some good advice re you speaking to your GP. I agree with writing down how you feel and any questions you may have, I do this if I am going to the hospital or GPs either for myself or OH. Although OH doesn't have dementia he has had short term memory loss for a long time now so I go to appointments with him.
Your needs are as important as your OH and if you can't look after him safely then you have a right to say so as you will be the only with him for the majority of the day and all night. I hope your daughter understands how hard this is for you. My best wishes go to you and your OH.

To everyone looking in have a good weekend and stay warm.

Ginnie.

Afternoon all.
Big change in the weather here as its warmer at 6 degrees, raining and windy...back to the norm! Although snow is forecast next week for us.

Daughter is on her way home with a few things and goodness knows what she has been buying?Not sure what is for tea but shes bringing something yummy I hope.

No post, no phone calls from dad so very quiet here. Got the boiler gas safety cert yesterday so thats now gone to sol. Searches all done etc so just the local authorities to complete their things and thats it. So glad its all going smoothly!

Have been working away on a family tree and really got a lot done today...no distractions.

Hope everyone else is well and keeping warm.

Florence in the hebrides

Joan you are in an awful situation and what a pity your daughter is unable to see that. Of course hubby wants to be home but he is forgetting how hard it would be to accommodate everything. And the hospital is encouraging him as they need beds. I had similar problems when T was in hospital but fortunately he was moved to a hospital that realised it was not possible. Vera’s suggestion is good, writing an explanatory letter you can think of the facts more clearly.
Feel free to come on here and rant. We understand and sympathise. <3

I’ve just looked up the Stedy. You’re right, it does take up room. Don’t know how they could use that to get hubby to the commode in the space you suggest. Clear floor space is needed to make the required turns.

Any carer using it would need the correct training. Not all carers have had the training to use this sort of equipment or kept their certificates up to date.

Joan you would need a lot of spare bedding as a daily change is on the cards as hubby can’t get himself to the commode when he needs to. Not everyone can perform to order ;-)

Thats what we are all here for to support anyone that needs it <3

Thankyou names & AG.
Hoist wasn't mentoned just the thing called a steady but it too is biggish, I just can't see the carers coping with the small area left to work in when the bed is in place plus the other items that will be in the room !

Also I don't think a carpeted room is ideal for any possible accidents, he was dreadfully sick a few days ago, & he told me it was everywhere, then there are the regular nosebleeds he's had lately!
I will have to buy some linen for the said bed as I don't have enough, not to mention using the washing machine more often !!
Fingers crossed that I survive all this

I just wish "they" wouldn't make me feel as if I'm "in the way", my daughter is not happy with me because I don't think her dad should be coming home.

Sorry to be such a grump. but thank goodness for this wonderful thread, you are all such super people, I don't know what I would do without being able to unburden myself like this . <3

Joan.

Forgot to say Joan, what do your other children think of the situation, not just the one that lives nearest?

I don’t often post on here but wanted to say how sorry I am to read of your plight Joan. Of course, hubby wants to come home and I’m very sure that you want him to be with you but it doesn’t sound very practical. You have said you are not good at speaking up for yourself and clearly feel bullied but I’ve noticed you write fluently on here. Could you put your feelings down in writing in the form of a letter with copies to both the care people and your GP? I would be very polite, no point in getting their backs up. Explain that your concern is for the safety and wellbeing of your husband but your own circumstances (age, medical needs etc) mean you are not sure that you can guarantee this. Ask who will be with hubby when you have to leave the house. There will be times you need to visit the doctor or dentist or do some shopping. If the only option is for him to come home, will there be regular respite care for you to have a break?

I don’t know if the idea of writing it all down is helpful or not but it’s something for you to consider. Try and see your GP as well. If he says you won’t be able to cope it will probably carry more weight than anything you say.

And explain the whole situation to your GP as soon as possible - and don't hold back!

Unfiotunately, harsh as it is,they are only looking at your husbands needs. It is almost as though you don’t count except for what you can do to help.

I’m surprised a hoist wasn’t on your list of things to fit in the room, and they take up a lot of space.

Was the OT happy with the state of the electrics? Always people you.can call at night - presume that is the ambulance because they can’t send care staff out in an emergency if they haven’t got one available.

As Florence says, come and rant anytime.

Oh my Joan, what a dreadful situation.

I cant believe the care manager was going to have a meeting without you there??? I mean, your daughter doesn't live with you and has a young family so she isnt going to be involved with his care, is she?

I would urge you to go & see your GP before the next meeting. Go in on your own so you can explain exactly your worries & concerns and how it is affecting you.

They will have to create a Care plan for hubby before he can be discharged anyway.

You say hubby doesnt want carers 4 times a day but you simply cant manage his needs. Does he not realise that? You cannot lift him onto the commode and back into bed. The carers have to be trained to do that. Its called manual handling.

I'm so sorry this whole situation is stressing you out, just so awful but please see you GP and tell him everything that has happened and what is happening by yourself.

Sorry I've not been terribly helpful but on here you can rant and rave and we will listen and try and help if we can.

Florence in the hebrides

Hello Linda & everyone else looking in.
Not the best of days for me re talking to folk, had a sudden meeting with a care manager which was hard going, for me at least.
Daughter & I had just got back from doing my weekly shop when this person phoned daughter to ask if she would meet up this morning, I wasn't mentioned until daughter said that I would want to be included in the meeting & the care manager agreed !

We had to go back to town to meet up with her only to find that she was already talking to hubby about things, & she went on to say that hubby was saying he wants to go home, & as a result of that she proceeded to suggest what equipment he would require & how often he would need daily carers.

I wasn't happy about that because MY needs were just ignored, no other options were discussed with him should going home not be an option, they just decided as he wanted home then that was that !
Another meeting has been arranged for next week..

This afternooon the 2nd OT arrived to view the house & decided that the dining room was the best option for hubby to use, he would be provided with a hospital bed, a steady, a commode & an over bed table, & carers 4 times a day.
Hubby wasn't happy about the 4 times a day & neither was I, there would be NO carers during the night but there are lots of people we could contact who would come out to him in an emergency !

I was told the bed would have to be situated in the centre of the floor leaving very little room to get round the bed with all the other equipment in the same room, & where & am supposed to put the dining room furniture & how I am supposed to keep the room clean with such clutter, GOD only knows.

I am sooo upset at the pressure that is being put on me & have shed a lot of tears today.
I am concerned about his safety & for that matter I am also concerned for MY wellbeing as hubby would rather I care for him as much as possible as he doesn't want carers coming too often, but in saying that even though hubby is a priotity case carers are thin on the ground so who knows what might happen if none turn up !!
We would also have the District nurses coming.

The proffessionals don't seem at all concerned about ME !
Not a good day.

Rant over, Thanks for reading & listening.

Joan.

I keep looking in to see if there is any news from Joan <3

AG, hope that site helps Joan. I couldn’t quite understand the one I looked at.

Joan, I also agree, you need to go and see your GP and explain how you are feeling and how it is upsetting you because you will find it too difficult to manage say through the night etc and also you cant afford the adaptations.
Let him see how upsetting it is for you.

As you said, all very well daughter wanting her dad back home with you but....what if you are snowed in and she cant get to to help? There is an awful lot she needs to consider which I as you said don't think she is looking at the bigger picture.

Also what if the carers couldnt get to you, what then?

See how quick you can get an appointment tomorrow.

Hoping for a solution to suit you as well as hubby.

Florence in the hebrides

In principle, yes, but it depends on the level of risk assessed, and it can vary from one local council to another.

It also doesn't include the cost of any adaptations to the person's home.

https://www.gov.scot/publications/free-personal-nursing-care-qa/

It also depends on the availability of carers, who are thin on the ground in some places.