General Chat

Anyone who has a clutter problem have a look at Daff's thread and the first post by Blue Moon. Hilarious and on my kitchen wall now!!!

sharron do you think you are still grieving for that? Maybe something jolts you back into thinking about it every so often.

I love the expression I could procrastinate for England if I could only get round to it Lol!!!! Made me chuckle.

I think you must feel down sometimes because of the responsibility you have with your Dad. You should be proud of yourself for making him get his life back but I am sure it has been tiring for you. Probably all you need is a good break. (if only????). Is there no way he can go for a 'holiday' to a residential home to give you a break for a week? I know back in the 90s we managed to do this with my Dad to give my sister a break. He enjoyed it too, all the being waited on.

I don't know how to recognize depression.What I feel now is as nothing to the daily distress and despair of growing up with my mother but sometimes I could procrastinate for England if I could just get around to it.

Turning to the medical profession for help in my teens meant I was prescribed tranquillizers when all that was needed was to get her as far away from me as possible.They just seemed to numb me and make it even harder to deal with her when I needed all my wits about me at all times.
My grieving had all been done by the time she died.It was for what might and,indeed, should have been.

Hi David, there are many people on this thread that can empathise with you and give advice. But the best advice will be from your doctor. Maybe go and get some medication for the short term. All three things in your life, bereavement, serious illness of your brother and retirement are going to pull you down and you need help with it.

Obviously you need to be there for your brother but you say you are 'effectively' retired. what does that mean exactly? have you had to take retirement to look after your brother or because there is no job? If it is the latter, is there nothing you can do in the voluntary sector? Can you use your previous work skills in any way. Part of the depression of being retired is the feeling of becoming a 'non person', you feel not valued. Working in the voluntary sector would overcome that, even if for only a couple of hours a week.

And if you have responsibilities, can you get advice/help with those? If you don't need help then you actually are in control. Sometimes it helps to write down all the things that worry you with what you think would be a good 'solution' to the problem. Somehow on paper things seem easier to understand.

First though, do see your doctor for short term help.

And come back on here for support which, although from a distance, is freely given.

Ann
Glos

Hi David,
I am sorry you are feeling so low at the moment. Do try to see your doctor and explain how you are feeling to him. I think you may need some bereavement counselling to help you with some of your problems, I wish I could have some but am trying to get some closure on the loss of my baby daughter, almost 36 years and it still causes me pain and sadness.
I have arranged to speak to a funeral director about part of the problem (I was told it wasn't expected of me to attend her funeral, she was premature and only lived for three days, and I didn't find her grave til a few days later,when I was told it was a common grave and could be reopened for another baby or child. I was very upset obviously and arranged to buy the plot which luckily I was able to do, buy the burial rights so no one can reuse it for a total of 75 years so 39 to go by which time I will not be around to be upset.)
However I heard some thing on Wednesday evening from a medium I went to listen to, Gordon Smith from Glasgow. He told us about a mother who slept on her toddler's grave as she couldn't bear to think of her in the ground alone and she couldn't come to terms with her loss. He said the little one came through to him with a message to the Grandmother who had gone to see him in desperation. The little one said, Tell Mummy to get off my grave, I cannot move on and help her cope while she is doing what she is doing. It seems we have to let our loved ones go so that they can be free to help support us in ways we don't understand until it is the right time for us to be reunited again. He said when his Dad died earlier this year, he spoke with him at the bedside and his father was becoming scared of dying. Then he drifted off and they thought he had gone but he woke and said I just saw something wonderful, all my family were there waiting for me, smiling and young and happy, is that how it will be. Of course Gordon said he didn't know but he thought so and told his father if the family appeared to him again and he wanted to go it was ok. A few hours later the old man passed peacefully away.
It made me wonder whether my grief has held my daughter back from being happy in the spirit world - if it is as I believe, that you meet up with your family and friends, my baby will have her Grandparents and my loving Aunt who was more like a Grandmother to me, to care for her and when it is my time they will all come to greet me and I will get to know my daughter at last.

I hope you don't find what I have said upsetting - I and others found his words comforting and has made me more determined to find out what I want to know about her death in the scbu and her funeral and then maybe I can move on.

Maybe instead of feeling cast off in retirement which maybe is how you feel, you could fill your time with things like currently helping your brother if you both want that, and also helping visit the housebound or working somewhere to help others, or finding a part time job, something that will make you feel as fulfilled as when you were at work and make each day worth getting up for.

Good luck, I hope you will come back to the thread and talk to those who have offered assistance and let us know how you are.

Deanna, if you have time love, leave a message if I am not about and tell me if I can return the call. If you don't feel up to it, I will understand ( I will just mutter about you under my breath lol)

Mary, I don't know how you cope, and keep all the balls in the air! I think about you often and hope things get better!!

Colin, what a nice person you sound, I wish you wouldn't say 'you realised you wouldn't amount to much' You have such a kind thoughtful nature, maybe that's why you feel for others and can be affected by so much yourself.
You sound as tho you have lived a very worthy life, and perhaps you weren't meant to be in a relationship till you met your current lady so you can support one another through the trials of life and ill health. Losing parents at an early age can knock anyone for six, I was lucky enough to have mine around till my 40's but many people have parents alive when they are very elderly themselves, it's the luck of the draw I suppose. My o.h. lost his Mum when he was about 18 and I can see it has affected him badly altho he puts on a front. His father remarried not too many years later and whilst his stepmum is a sweet lady, and is good to him and his sisters, she did have three younger sons who might have put my o.h.'s nose out of joint a bit altho he gets on well with two out of the three. (One doesn't mix with the family much)
It's all part of life's rich pattern as 'they' say, and I suppose some people seem to do better than others, who knows ?

take care all
love
Lizxxxx

I am on at an unusual time as I am home for the rest of the day.
David, I know what it is to be depressed, and what it is to be seriously depressed. I don't know which you are, but like Gail I think you should talk to your GP. I have a history of depression so know how hard that can be. You think it will pass, which it may well do, but you are miserable in the meantime.
My parents died when I was in my late 20s, and I still grieve for my mother especially, especially around her birthday and mother's day.
My depression first became obvious about ten years later, as I realised that I was unhappy in my job and was never going to amount to much. I was not in any kind of relationship at the time. After some years my depression was assessed as one of the bipolars. The one where you don't get wild highs, but get deep depressions.
I am almost 61 and working at the moment, but have been unemployed a lot in the past 9 years. While I have my girlfriend since 1993 I live by myself, which means that while I have someone to help share the pain sometimes it is hard to motivate myself to get up, to eat, even to go out.
I can empathise with you about your brother. Several people on thiss thread have struggled with cancer. My girlfriend (she is 64) is struggling at the moment with health matters, and we have gone through two cancers together, one a secondary, and struggling with unexplained fainting which may be due to heart irregularities. You are not in control and never will be, so maybe it would be better to let go, if you can.
If you would like to chat, you can PM me, but there is a 11 hour time difference if you are in the UK. It's a bit after midday Friday here.
Colin in Sydney, Australia.

David, does not matter is short term or long term, needs to be addressed. I was forced to retire and found it very difficult, had also worked from 14 years. You do need to see your GP, I am sure he/she can put you on the right path.

Has been very hot where I live the last few days, today is a bit cooler, but summer is here and we are down 300 mils of rain for this year so drought. We only get an average of 600 mils a year so it is serious. Praying for rain.

Love and hugs to all

Gail

Never thought I'dsay this on a public forum

I AM DEPRESSED

I still grieve inwardly for my parents, my brother has bowel cancer, I no longer feel completely in control, because I have resposibilities.
I'm effectively retired and not liking it. Ive worked since I was 15

Is this "mood" a passing thing in a man of 64 or does it need to be addressed ?

Good night everyone.
I am so exhausted.
Allan and I have been stuggling to sort the kitchen and bathroom out for the owrkmen... Monday they will start the work.
They did the lady next door yesterday, and another neighbour today..... the noise was not as bad as I expected it to be.
Anyway... sleep well everyone... and love to all.
Look after yourselves... and hugs to all of you who need one.
Love Deanna XXXX
PS.... Liz, maybe tomorrow???? ;-0)

Hi Gail,
New Zealand is nice too, and a lot closer. They don't have snakes but they do have ferocious birds (I think they are called tuis). And feral possums.
I am so glad I don't live in the bush. Colin.

I am moving to Ireland, there are no snakes in Ireland. Or so I am told.

Grandson was about 1 foot away from a 4 foot brown snake today, we are so lucky he was not bitten. We have been keeping a very close eye on him and are rarely more than a few feet away when he is out side. Yes, we are horrid, the snake is no more, my family and pets I am not prepared to lose. These snakes are very vicious and deadly.

A late Happy Birthday Eileen, so sorry to have missed it.

Love and hugs

Gail

Mary, with all the things you pack into your life isn't everything a blur?

Dear Eileen,so glad to see you. I'm turning 66 this month too!! I just cannot believe the numbers, surely I haven't reached 66 already, what happened to my 40's and 50's, they are but a blur LOL.
I agree that attempts to recreate a happy occasion are sometimes better left . . .
Written a couple of dozen letters this evening - where did they all accumulate???
It's getting cold here now with a horrible wind. I seem to have joints that I didn't know I had!
Sarah has discovered the wonders of pomegranates, what a mess they make with her help.
Sending hugs to those who need them, I am back to myself, here I am at 2am wide awake and ready to tackle the world.
Better get to bed.
g'night all.
Mary

Hello,

I have been trying to catch up with posts on here, but there are so many.

Yesterday was my 66th birthday.Would love to have hibernated, but wasn't allowed to.Turned out to be a pleasant day, finished off by a lovely dinner cooked by g.son...
My age is not the reason why I don't want to celebrate such occasions, difficult to explain. Now youngest has asked if everyone(including my ex.) can gather here again for the feast of St. Nicolaas next month...fine by me, but....... It was very nice last year, they all enjoyed the dinner etc. I just have a feeling it won't be so good, that you shouldn't try to relive a success, somthing like going back to a place you loved long ago, it is usually disappointing. Time will tell.
Am glad to see that more of you can't resist sweet things either.

Good luck to all of you and have a happy,peaceful life, in as far as this is possible.

Eileen x

Hi folks,I'm here too, muddling along. We've all been ill except for Megan - and Emlyn is now on her second go-round of flu symptoms.
The craft show went very well, miniMary made about $250 for the day, sold several bags, 8 jugs of our homemade laundry soap, 8 jars of the cafe mocha mixture, it all adds up.
miniMary was thrilled, she won 2 draws at the show, one of which was a camera., the other was a couple of stained glass teardrops to hang in the window for the sun to catch.
Update on my friend, his cancer has spread to spine and lungs - his sister says they've been told that time is limited. if being friends with me helps keep his spirits up, that will be my role. Sad.
I'm tired tonight,worked yesterday evening and actually was quite a good evenng, quiet and i sold some bags to other staff!! Couldn't settle when I got home so had a very short night.
My granddaughter Em put me in a position of trying not to answer some direct questions today, the type I want her mother to handle LOL. Like why a woman on TV would say she has a wife !! And why 'the S -word' is a bad word. ("The S -word with an X in it") Yesterday she wanted to know if Santa was real, I managed to side-step that one too.
Give me strength.
I'm off to bed, have a good night all.
Mary

Hi Carole, I missed your question earlier. The floods were on the north coast of NSW, a region very prone to flooding. Coffs Harbour which was one of the flood areas this time received quite a bucketing of rain in a very short time.
The other main area is Bellingen. It is on a river with a large catchment and floods regularly. Doesn't make it any easier to bear I guess.
Some other flood prone areas are because development was permitted on river flood plains. What do they expect?
Hope you are keeping well. YCaz, my thoughts are with you. Deanna, always good to see you.
David, always nice to see another man on the board. Fluoxetine has certainly helped many people.

Carole, you know him so well lol I did say to him to try and remember everything the nurse tells him but I know he won't lol His memory is always a big problem for him! This week his diet is mainly down to him as he has to sort out his food for work but I have been trying to make suggestions to help him eat the right things and bought him crumpets so he can have a couple of those at breakfast time instead of the very sweet muesli he was having, which I will eat but bulked out with lots of plain oats and banana. I did suggest Weetabix which is on the list of 'can haves' but he says he doesn't like it, he will have to learn to like it eh lol?

Colin, I do agree that life is for living but he is such a bolshie type of person and takes a long time to adapt. He hasn't even told his sons yet altho he did mention it to his father the other day. His father's brother was diabetic so he should know a bit about it but altho it was lunchtime, his father asked for him to drive him on an errand which made him very late back and they didn't even offer him something to eat! By the time he got home, he got involved with doing something else and didn't bother to eat until I chivvied him into having some toast and beans but that's so typical of him.
As you say if most of the meals are ok it won't hurt, just hope he will realise after a short while that he feels better if he tries to eat properly.
Always something to face in this household lol

You sound as bad as me with biscuits, I try not to buy them because I can eat a packet of fig rolls in one sitting lol Have to be very strong minded and not buy them much, and I buy the cheapo digestives cos they don't taste quite so nice as the better ones but it means I don't sit and eat the whole packet lol

take care all

Lizxx

Liz, I was in denial even after I was first diagnosed. Even 5 years on I don't always eat wisely, but life is for living.
I do try to be careful, but being one of life's grazers I try to eat breakfast (at least cereal), lunch (sandwiches usually) and dinner. It is the in-between snacks that are a problem. I can devour a 250g (9 Oz) pack of sweet biscuits in an evening. I don't buy cream ones, and try to get ones with fruit or nuts in them.
The dietician at our local clinic's advice about going out is- you eat 21 meals a week, if 19 of them are OK then 1 or 2 won't hurt.

Pm sent to David.

Well we have been busy. Liz, K has to think for himself a bit. And if he won't be sensible, he will be moody and miserable! You will be the one to suffer. So you might find him easier to cope with if you help him! When you cook meals I can't understand why he wouldn't want you at his appointment with the nurse, silly man. xx

Mary hope the fund raiser went well. Bet the bags flew out the doors. xx

Lily how the heck are you long time no show!! xxx

Gail sounds like you are enjoying having your family with you. Make the most of it while you can and don't forget to send us a recent photo of you all xxx

Deanna glad you got that problem sorted out xx

Sharron how's life at your house? xx

Ann I went to look for some stickers to put on home made cards but couldn't get all I wanted, but did manage to spend a small fortune!! xx Been playing tonight, now ran out of double sided tape so had to put my boxes away.

Colin are you a long way away from the floods? x

Dear Lily, I feel so guilty that I haven't been in touch for ages, just having a problem keeping up with everything at the mo. I do hope the doc can sort your liver problems out and the waterworks ones, and you can start to feel better.

Deanna, you know you love me really lol

Ann, I have told him that he has to get things right, will see how much of what the nurse tells him after his apptmt in the morning lol, I know he will forget half of it at least, that's another reason why I like to go along. If I hadn't gone to see the specialist with him when he had the bleed on the brain, he wouldn't have said a thing about not being allowed to drive and would have carried on, then where would we/he have been, driving when he shouldn't etc and maybe having an accident and being uninsured!

Gail, it must be lovely to spend so much time with your little grandson and your daughter and s.i.l. - special memories for you all that can never be forgotten, especially with all those photos lol

Hi David, welcome to the gang! I have ocd but only take 5htp when I can afford it, as I never responded to the anti d's etc My problem is hoarding, what's yours, you can pm me or ignore my question if you don't want to talk about the way your ocd manifests itself.

take care all, better get off here before o.h. gets home from work and thinks I have donr nothing but cyber chat all afternoon and evening.

love to all
Lizxxx