General Chat

Hi everyone and hello Sarah. Gail I am glad you found out what was wrong and get treatment for it, you have been ill for so long it seems. Hope you pick up soon.
Sorry I have not been on but when I'm down I seem to hide away, don't know why, just want to crawl into a corner by myself.
I think Dutch told you I had a bad fall last week, I am still suffering from it, very sore and every muscle seems to scream and groan when moved. My doctor came this morning and she checked me over and said I was ok but I have still have bruising coming out.
She has also doubled my anti depression tablets, I thought she would change them but she said I have never had any side effects from these so she wants to keep me on them.
My painful hands, I decided I have brought it on myself by doing more hand washing,although I couldn't wring them out tight I am sure that's what caused it. I could hardly dress myself let alone do anything that needs hands and fingers to move.

Thanks for all your messages, I have been reading the thread, and Christine it was lovely to see your name on here again. It seems like ages since we last 'spoke'. I will have to catch up with everyone when I get myself together so to speak. Does anyone know how Eileen is, and I haven't seen Thistledown for a while on here.

Love and hugs to all.

Caz xx

I think Deanna will be back on soon, I had a PM from her and she says she is feeling better, just needed a rest and Alan wasn't too good either.
So we can look forward to seeing her on here again soon.
Carole I am fine thanks, busy packing for a week in the Lake District, what a dilemma, goodness knows what the weather is going to do.

Gail hope you get your health problems sorted soon.

Yes, Carole, i was wondering where eileen is.

Good morning Dutch and everyone else.

My daughter is going to the races today. She and her friends are getting all dressed up. Yesterday I was out in town and bought her a green bag to go with her dress. When she got home from work she had bought the same bag in blue! This morning has been funny as she models each bag in turn. pulling out a camera and pretending to take a photo, then the next bag, and she pulls out her purse cheering!! Can't decide which bag to use!
Dress is mainly blue with green marks in it. Green cardi and blue jewelry.
She looks lovely.

Alison when listening to others talk about them selves it's natural to bring up your own comparisons with what they are telling you. Don't think conversation would carry on for long otherwise.xxx

Dutch have a good day x

Deanna get well soon. x

Goodmorning All
just to let you no have just spoke to Deanna shes ok but was,nt feeling well,so took afew days off i told her her friends were asking about her
Sorry Deanna to intrupt your breakfast but as long as you ok thats all were wanted to know ,take care my friend
Love Dutchxx
i wish everyone well and nice weekend

Welcome Sarah, glad to see you posting.

Carole, hope the sinus clears up for you soon.

I had myself psyched for hospital, had my xray done Thursday and thought okay this is it. Doctor will not have the results until Tuesday, so have been left hanging again.

I do love where I live, but hate it when you get ill as so hard to get any treatment. I am hoping by Tuesday that the the pills have kicked in and there in no longer a need for hospital. I know even if I still have to go in it will be a problem getting a bed, which I think may have been a major factor with doctor not putting me in from the start.

Love and hugs to everyone.

Gail

Hi Carole,
No haven't spoken to my sister yet but her birthday is on Monday so I will be calling her then. I was starting to get a bit worried because it was my daughter's birthday last week and my sister's card hadn't arrived. The last time I spoke to her I did mention it because last year's card was lost in the mail and she didn't get in until three weeks later. This year it was a week and a half late. B was telling me that we had scared her off with the letter. I finally snapped at him and told him he was being silly. Then he thought when she was telling me about her panic attacks on the phone that I might have talked too much about him and not listened to her. I didn't, that's why I wrote the letter, I hardly mentioned him at all. Still, either way I will know when I talk to her on Monday night. I will let you know how it went.

Welcome Sarah!!

Alison

Hi Sarah, pleased you felt you could pop in and say hello to us. I am off the anti depressants since January now. But have asked a couple of people to keep an eye on my moods! Snapped at my friend today while shopping, I realised straight away and said sorry. Over time I can see some of our posters moods go up, and some who have been having a bad time. It's hard for them to post when feeling down but I hope we keep in touch and let them know we are thinking of them, and looking forward to their return to us when they feel up to it. There is nothing to hide from others if you have depression. You wouldn't be hiding a virus, or broken limb. Hiding it just adds more stress to you. Although sympathy isn't always given from those around us, and nor is it wanted. We aim to give understanding without judgement here. Please feel welcome to join us and I hope you will find it helps to have us faceless people to talk to. We can't see you when you feel weepy, so no shame and feeling of having to compose yourself. xx

Mary it was lovely to hear your voice this afternoon ( morning to you). Blimey Sarah ran circles round you!! Pair of skates on the way to you.
I know the feeling of being dragged along by someone taller than yourself. H is taller and faster walking than me. But my friend who I met in town today is five ft nothing, and I struggled to keep up with her! Showing I really do have to get my sinus / chest problem sorted out. I mentioned to the Dr what you said about salty water he said I could try that or some nose spray. I think I'll try the spray it's not as scarry as your idea!! xx

Dutch haven't you been sneaking on your pc this afternoon? Has Jan tied you up? lol. Nice talking to you also this afternoon. xx Bl**** H*** you make me laugh!!! xx

Gail pleased you got to see the doctor again, you needed that. Now you know what it is that has kept you so poorly this last few months I hope you get the right treatment to pick you back up.xx

Liz you are right where is our Deanna? I also haven't had any forwards from her for a couple of days, and that is unusual. Hope everything is alright with her and her men. xx

Colin fancy being so far from anywhere and still being able to talk to us!
The walk you and your gf did sounds lovely. Thank you for your kind thoughts. Books can help but not alone, and not when we are at our lowest. The tablets we need to get us to a level where we can function first. As for sin being the cause!! I must have been bad lol xxx

Ann hope you are keeping well and your family too xx

Caz Y what can I say to you? Just when we get you back on line you can't type!! Hope this is soon less painful and you are able to chat again xx

Alison have you had any conversations with your sister re your oh again?
Take care and hope to talk soon xx

Clairejo sending you a cuddle, just cos I want to.:o))

Eileen I do hope you are okay. Please give us a nudge if you can't bring yourself to talk at the moment. Let us know you are still looking in. xx You have my email address if you want to email me, although I respect your
privacy and understand you do not want to tell what is bothering you xxx

I wonder what happened to Elaine? Anyone know? Also Angela.

Hello Sarah, welcome to the thread. you are among friends here, you can say what you like, nobody is judgemental. I don't suffer with depression thankfully but a family member does, I had a lot of support when I was nervous about a minor op in hospital which is why I stay on the thread to give support. Talking seems to help everyone no matter what their anxieties so feel free to talk away. we are here, we will listen.

Ann
Glos

Hello all
What a wonderful thread.I only wish I had found it sooner.I have not read it all yet (but will in time). I have been on meds for depression for 9 months and apart from talking to a CPN and GP, I haven't really spoken to anyone else about how I feel, not even my OH. I actually feel a bit anxious typing this, but I know it's better to let it out. I'm stuck as to what to say now.
I guess I have suffered with depression for many years before seeking help. Like many others I had a feeling of being a failure if I acknowledged it. It took an episode from a rustling of a packet of crisps while in a queue, to take me to the doctor.
It seems a lot of you are coping better than you were when you first came onto this thread. Talking obviously does help and I must learn to overcome my fear and do that.
I will keep an eye on this thread from now on and join in when I can.
Thankyou all for reading
Sarah

What a lovely surprise this morning to have a call from Carole - thank you, you helped me get through my day. Sarah has been home all day causing havoc every few minutes. Looks much better than she did this morning.
She's disposed of a full bottle of shampoo, wasted a full container of chicken soup mix, about 2 lb of brown sugar, painted the bathroom counter green, though I can't find the source of the paint, broken one bowl, eaten a huge bag of popcorn on top of her lunch. And I think I am watching her every second.!! All it takes is a trip to the loo, or to put on a load of laundry, and chaos erupts in my absence. I've had to shower her 3 times in 6 hours!!
She's gone for a car ride with her Mum now, so I can breathe for an hour.
Sarah and I did have an hour's walk by the canal, quite nice, except her stride is now longer than mine, so she's marching ahead and I'm chugging along behind. Must be a Kodak moment LOL. We had some 'fun' at the bank, I was waiting to do some business with the teller and Sarah proceeded to walk round the bank and touch every man on the hand! Some were more receptive than others. That's their problem, we are educating the public!!!!
ClaireJo, we've found a source for some sew-on patches which are quite nice - again educating the public - you may be interested, I'll send you the link off-list, or if you're on Facebook the link is on our group 'autism service dogs for Sarah and Gareth', The owner of the online shops lives locally to us, which is very handy.
Now I have a few minutes, must start supper, hugs all round.
Mary

Been to Dr's with the sinus problem and have to try a few things, steroid drops, antihistamine and beconase spray. If after six weeks there is no improvement I might have to see a ears, nose and throte surgeon, could be polyps. Hope not!

Morning friends
Had a good sleep for half the night, had to take Sarah to sleep beside me as she had a seizure last evening - think she must have had one during the night also, as the bed was soaked. I'm worried about her, she can't express her symptoms verbally and I am concerned we are missing something. She spits out her medication, hates it (sodium valproate). At present she is sitting in the lounge with a bag of chips/crisps,happily munching away, eyes look quite vacant. The other concern is that she may have neurofibromatosis - won't be diagnosed till her teens, but she has multiple 'cafe au lait' spots appearing. Poor child, seems to be hit with everything.
She and I will have the day together, luckily I have a day off. Think we'll go for a walk by the canal with the dog, get Sarah some fresh air. perhaps I might even sort papers while she watches TV . . . that's not a promise, Liz !!
Gail hope you'll be feeling better soon, Colin go ahead and talk, I do it all the time, glad I'm not alone LOL . . seriously it does help.
YCaz, please be good to yourself, no more falls,, we miss you on here, sending gentle hugs, dear friend.
Carole Tink, worrying about you too, has your anxiety level increased?, When are you coming back to the Falls?
Deanna, you're awfully quiet, you OK?
Christine nice to 'see' you.
ClaireJo - how's our little man? And his Mummy?
Ben glad you were able to get the certs, I have a lot of cancer as COD in my family too, in fact I have created a medical family tree, surprising how many things repeat . . . .

I'm delighted that Colleen has joined the adult rowing club here, a 10 minute drive, then 2 hours on the water, so beautiful out there, calm water, perfect practice area, she needs the exercise and it's already proving to be a stress-reliever. Wish I could join her but with my torn shoulder there's no way I could. The children were given a Wii unit last Christmas with the Wii Fit attachment. meg and mary were doing yoga last night, apparently Meg's BMI is only 22, while the rest of us (including miniMary)are about 10 points higher, have to do something about that, 28 is the preferred maximum.
have to run, Sarah is mixing concoctions in the kitchen, currently we have cream cheese and orange juice and bread.
have a good day all, don't let anyone get you down.
Mary

Just a quick reply to Colin, I hope you can now feel that your Mum forgave you anyway, she wouldn't want you to be feeling bad about that time in hospital so long ago. It's very hard to understand sickness as serious as your Mum's was when you are young, also hard to face up to the fact you might lose your loved one so you behave as usual. Maybe that's better than changing yourself to be the way you think you should be, if that makes sense.
Your Mum probably knew you better than you knew yourself so any argumentativeness she would know was just you being you, and maybe you were feeling bewildered and upset anyway so this was the way it came out, rather than being solicitous and sad in front of her. Put it behind you now.

Lizxx

Also, thanks AlisonOZ. Good for you. It was only a thought. My sister still talks to our mother. I think it is really useful when there are unresolved issues. Not necessarily unresolved disputes and arguments, just little griefs or even unsaid compliments.
The last time I saw mum I got a bit argumentative over how long it had been since I saw her. One or two days. I didn't realise that in hospital, critical care, semi-conscious and as it turned out deep in kidney failure she was hardly aware of time passing. I was very immature for my age (20s). I feel she would have forgiven me if she had lived, but she died the next afternoon.

Good for you, son of Nina. I thoroughly endorse Gail's comments. My cousin just had a double knee replacement. If only she had known that a good walk would fix her up.
I don't take antidepressants now, as I can cope without them. But twice I was on much more than the usual maximum dose of doxepin. They were life savers. I still take Epilim (valproate) as a mood stabiliser. I tried going without last year but my GF became very concerned, although I still felt quite OK. My doctor agreed with her.
Self help books are wonderful. I first became depressed in 1987. I read a book by a very eminent U.S. psychiatrist, a Christian as I am. He said that all depression was known, unconfessed sin. I spent days searching through my many misdeeds and confessed them over and over. Since then I have realised what an evil thing this man wrote. In fact, I would almost call it blasphemy.
I also would like to move on, and support others on this list. My thoughts are especially with Gail, YCaz, Tinkerbelle and Deanna. xx Colin

Sorry I haven't spent much time on here of late I have read up to daye but do not have time to comment this morning soI'll just say I agree with my friends.

So sorry some are feeling really poorly and hope better times are near.

I get home from work and fall asleep! I have a week off next week so hope to catch up then xxxx

Gail, I am sorry you are so poorly and hope you will be on the mend soon when the antibiotics do their stuff. Positive thoughts for your xray and treatment that it is not as bad as you fear and you can cope with your dislike of the hospital. Will be thinking about you, love.

Mary, a friend of mine had numerous self help books and I don't think she read all of them, and I realised that I was a bit like her, would buy them and then not read them, just the thought of buying them made me think they would help me, just having them in the house, if you know what I mean. It is good if a person can get something from them tho and in your case the book did the trick of getting you to ask for help. Now you are older and wiser and know help is sometimes necessary whether medication or talking things through, but as you say we all deal with our depression and difficulties differently, and this thread helps us all feel less alone and 'odd'

Take care everyone, I am still not catching up with everything I need to do altho did spend some good time with my son last evening which was nice. I came back feeling ok and then o.h. got in from work and started moaning about one thing and another I hadn't got round to doing, wished I could have sent him straight back to work lol Miserable sod, he can't find any joy in things, might have to get him away again, he was in a much better mood in Liverpool, well most of the time anyway lol

Off to bed now, if I fidget and snore loudly enough, he will get up and leave me the whole bed to myself - much nicer. Mind you it's bin day so will get disturbed when the lorry reverses beeping to just under the window, what idiot would buy a house at the end of a cul-de-sac by the turning area lol

Love and hugs to everyone, haven't seen Deanna post lately, hope you are ok,

Lizxxx

Mary was wondering how long it would take you to reply:))

OK, I am feeling very sorry for myself and a bit depressed. Finally got to see the doctor again and looks like pneumonia, I was very indignant at the diagnosis, I HAVE HAD THE PNEUMONIA INOCULATION. Apparently it is not fool proof, much to my horror.

So after two lots of flu and a consistent low grade temperature for 10 weeks, I am to have an xray Thursday then probably hospital for the dreaded drip. Once again I am loaded up with antibiotics as well, plus a disgusting medicine that makes me heave.

Doctor was very nice though, told me I am very sick before he even did anything. I said yes I am not well, how do you know. Doc said, I only ever see you when you are very very sick or need a prescription.

I have an innate fear of hospitals since my accident, so anxiety is also not so good just now, I am using all my skills to combat it just now.

Y/Caz if you are looking in, thinking about you. From first hand experience I know what it is like to have a bad fall, it takes a while for the soreness and stiffness to go, let alone the bruising.

Love and hugs to everyone, you are never far from my thoughts.

Gail

I want to write a response to the issue raised about help being received through reading, rather than drugs, but was going to keep my mouth shut as enough has already been said. But you know me, ever one to ramble on . . . .
As a nurse, I have spent almost 43 years doling out drugs. Yet when it came to myself being prescribed long-term medication, I fought it tooth and nail. In my depressed thinking, I thought it admitted failure, that I should be able to 'pick up my socks'(as my mother had often suggested).. After several seriously traumatic events in a short period of time, involving death of a child and a parent , diagnosis of generalised rheumatoid arthritis, injury & surgery to my hand, an eye injury, serious illness in another child (30-plus seizures per day), another child who had a very high temp with black measles for 30 hours straight and ended up with severe learning disabilities, then the birth of a premature child whose life hung on a thread with respiratory distress syndrome for the first 2 weeks after his birth, all of this in a short space of time -14 months - I was overwhelmed, and ready to end it all.
As I was refusing to talk to my doctor, to admit that depression held me captive in my home, a kind friend who saw me struggling, gave me a book, the title of which is no longer important. What the book did, was help me to build just enough self-confidence to be able to verbalise my symptoms to the doctor. It was a stepping stone to starting to heal. Drugs were not the whole answer either, but I also truly believe they saved my life. Psychological therapy in conjunction with drug therapy, some major life/living changes, an improved diet, the support of some caring friends, exercise, pain control, shedding an abusive relationship, reading self-help books, there are many, many factors which can assist in the healing process.
As human beings we are all similar, but yet different. What works for me may not work for you. Whether help, in any form, is medically ordered, or commenced by personal decision, changes one's response to any treatment.
There is a place for every one of the treatments available, there is no perfect answer. Unfortunately when one is depressed, any suggestion can feel like a personal slight, it hurts terribly to have someone, who doesn't know one's individual situation, make a comment, which may have had good intentions, but instead succeeds only in exacerbating the depression.
Can we please move on from this episode, and get back to supporting each other, the reason this thread has been so successful, providing a lifeline for many. Alison and Claire are correct - until I walk in your shoes, or you in mine, we are unable to fully appreciate the situation through one another's eyes.
Group hug please, no offence intended by this post, just trying to think things through.
Mary

I agree with Claire in regard to son of Nina's comments. You have absolutely no right to tell people that pills aren't the answer. If other ways have helped for you then that's great for you and by all means share it but please don't ever tell others what they should or shouldn't be doing. Until you have lived in their shoes, experiencing their exact problems and trying what they have tried then you can't ever tell them what is best for them. Please don't try to do so again.

Colin - you mentioned be able to write a letter to my parents. I had thought about that some time before you mentioned it. After reading your post regarding that though I decided to sit down and do it which I finally did yesterday. Only a draft because there are other things to say. But thanks for bringing it up.

Alison