General Chat

Hi Hazel,dont think we have spoke before but good luck with your move and hope you get the help you need for your son,take care
Dutchx

Hi Everyone i have good news at last

I AM MOVING NEXT SATURDAY

I cant wait, away from Milton Keynes at last.

Its so nice to have good new for a change.

Mind you i am not looking for ward to the day with all the carrying and sortting loading the van. But it will be worth it. Just got to get some help for my son now. As ex husband was to help him but with him still in hospital and even if was out cant help.

But i will get there.

((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))for anyone thats needs them

Hazel

Hi Everyone
Y/Caz has said to tell you all shes missing you all but hopes to be on soon got chap coming tonight to have alook at the phone,ive read all your threads out to her and she said she feels better,but we both had to laugh at the knickers sorry Carole but it was realy funny,hoping you all have better days take care all
Love Dutchxx

I am not staying just now.
I only came on to have a read.... then found something I think NEEDS to be said.

CAROLE..... anyone who has no control over her own knickers should NOT BE ALLOWED BEHIND THE WHEEL OF A CAR!!!
That gave me such a laugh.
Deanna XXXX

Morning all. been up for 2 hours already and it's only 8:30am. Today Em's class are having a trip to the pioneer museum and school in Jordan,Ontario. Em looks like she came out of the 1800's with her bonnet, long skirt and boots, lunch wrapped in a teatowel. her Mummy is going with her, Em is thrilled, Mummy hasn't been on a school trip with Em's class ever before, the past 3 years she's been busy with school herself and before that for 3 years, driving Sarah and/or Gareth into Toronto 5 days a week. When her Mum came downstairs it took all I had to keep a reasonably striaght face, whe also is wearing a long dress, bonnet, long white apron and a shawl. The neighbours driving by were taking a second look at the 2 of them - Em looks like Laura Ingalls on 'Little house on the prairie', pigtails and all..
I'm going back to bed, not enough sleep and a headache brewing.
Have a good day all,
hugs
Mary

Good morning all. I am on a weeks holiday this week but had to get up early this morning to take my friend to see her doctor. At last she is going to get some help with her depression. Just hope she sticks with it. (I told her what she needs is marriage guidance). Anyway she was talking to her doctor for 18 mins so she got a lot off her chest, as I had already given her a questionaire I had, to help her write down some of her feelings.
Good deed for the day :o))

Lily this friends husband has a fair amount of money in the bank, which he was left in a will. He doesn't know A knows about it. Fancy hiding it anyway! If she were to leave him it would cost him a lot. Half his pension I believe a woman is entitled to. You would surely get a good share too. You have put into your home and relationship even if not always financial. I have no pychic powers Lily. Just seem to say things to people that make them think I do!! (Deanna recently got a bit of this). My sil also was shocked when I asked her what was up, the day after she had told her now exhusband she wanted a divorce!! Just an off the cuff remark, which made her think I knew something quickly and she spilt the beans then.

Colin good to see you home safe and well. Sounds like it did you all good to see one another again.

Mary raw broccoli ? No thank you!! How are you yourself? Always busy looking after the family, don't forget you xx

We have a friend of my daughters coming Friday afternoon. I am to meet her at the train station, (daughter will be at work). She is a Japanese girl, my daughter met her when she was in Japan teaching English. This girl M, is at Edinboroh university doing Britrish History. So we are planing as many places to see for her as we can in such a short time we have her here. She goes home Sunday afternoon. I am really looking forward to it but feel anxious about my loo habbit!! It showed it's self this morning again taking my friend out.

Can't say hi to you all, I must get off here and do some jobs round the house. Yesterday I started in the garden, and my back is killing me today !

Hi, a quickie to say back safely. Thanks to all who sent their good wishes. At least now I know that I can drive 8 hours plus (with breaks). Weather going up was difficult in places, with heavy rain and limited visibility. Little sister was well, great to catch up with her and her hubby. He's doing very well- back at work, although not much around. He is a truckie; took a load of sheep to the abbatoir on Monday but only local work for the rest of this week. Next session of chemotherapy was today but it's really only a precaution- they think they got all the cancer. In any case his only problem is unusual tiredness (for him). Obviously, he is very lucky. Some people I know really struggled.
The weather this morning was fine and sunny after 4 overcast days, just as I was ready to leave. It was a nice day to travel. Not too hot. On the way back I called in for about 90 minutes to see big sister who is also depressive, with much deeper glooms and higher highs than I have.
We had a good chat, and the detour was worthwhile- and I got a cup of coffee and some shop cake out of it. No good for our figures, but still very nice.
Permanent part time friend is also better. She has had tests and seen her neurologist so feels more confident about going out alone. Walking down teh road for milk and the daily paper has never bothered her, but going further afield was beginning to be a problem.
Colin

Hi everyone, i cannot sleep so i am putting in some time until the 6 o,clock news comes on.
Carole i got a shock the other day when i read your post about the lady wanting to leave her husband, i honeslty thought that you had gone schyic (sp) aqnd were talking about me,only it is my husband that keeps saying lately that he is going and is keeping all his money for himself, as you all know he is retiring from work in June as he reaches 65 then, since he found out who his rellies are he has removed his wedding ring and says that his pension is his own as he has worked hard for it and if i want money that i will have to go back to work myself. When we got married first he would not let me work as he said that it was my job to stay at home and look after the family.I did until the youngest was 16 years old, then when i went back to work 12 years ago the first 4 years i saved up my wages and treated him and the two boys to week-ends away in Liverpool and Manchester United to the matches which my husband to go to on Air Lingus planes which are dearer than RyanAir but AirLingus you did not need a passport to go on, where by RyanAir you do.I never got a thank you for it. He still has not acknowledged my getting his mothers true identity so as he can get his pension, as because he was born in England and was where he was all his life he needed for to prove who he really was, but i suspose that is life.
I can understand where both you and Ann in Glos are coming from in regards of mothers too, Carole my mother never regarded one of us children above nor beneath another but with 16 kids to look after and no modern convenents(sp) head is muddled to-night our house was more like Ann of Glos,s probably never had time to show each of us that she loved us, but always had a hot meal on the table after a 4 mile walk home from school winter or summer as we did not have a school bus when we were going to school, also the first thing that she did when we got in on winter days was to get our wet clothes and dry ones on in front of a open fire, and then read a story before we did our homework.She was a kind caring presious woman and after 27 years i still miss her terribly, she also looked after her mother and two nephews, one whose mother (her sister) died when he was only 2 years old (Lily)and another sisters son when he was only 4 months old when she left to go to England and never came back. Married in England and had a girl.
I always knew that she was in a really good mood with me when she called by Lily or more often Beth.I hated the name Elizabeth while i was growing up as i always thought that it was too posh a name for me, but when people started to racially abuse me about it i got very protective about it.I was so painfully shy when i was going to school that if i met a neighbour or friends of my sisters i would put my hands up to my face and look out between my fingers, i would never walk with my sisters but either behind or in front.
I only started to really stand up for myself when one of my sons was been treated for as the DR. thought was drink at Christmas, but was a very serious mental health illness, another went into rehab, and a daughter had a kidney removed all at the same time and i had to fight the DR. to realise that none of them had what he said they had.Still have a long way to go yet.I wish you all the best on the road that you are going Carole.You will get there.
Must say nite, nite now as i have to get some sleep as i hope to go into town later.
Bless,
Lily.

My father was a different kettle of fish.

Hello everyone, I have not been around for a while.... well it seems like ages.
We went for dinner on Sunday.
Had a lovely meal.
I had Salmon cakes with garfield potatoes and salad.
It was lovely and so much of it.
I did something I have never done in my life.
I asked for a 'doggy bag'!!
She did not look at all surprised and told me they had no boxes left but could put it in a bag for me. I accepted and had it the next day for my dinner....
If you all feel ashamed of me....sorry ;-0(
...I really am... but it was paid for, and it was delicious, and I did not want to see it disappear into a waste bin.

And Mary... I know you must have wanted to 'kill' Sarah for eating the broccoli.... but what a good girl.
It could so easily be chocolate that she craves, bless her heart.

I am so cold today.
I have a headache.
I'm fed up.
I hate everyone.
BUT.... I will recover and be whole again.... perhaps tomorrow???

Allan and Tony went to the shops this morning to do the Monday things... collect pensions, big shop, birthday, cards, get well cards... you know that type of thing.

I decided that I would do my 'bits' and then sit down and read my book.
Made the bed, tidied, washed ans dressed... fiddled about.... and sat down with my book and a glass of pineapple juice (luverly).

Tony asked me if I would make him an appointment for the doctor today.... "yes daring" says I......
It took me 2 calls.... one of 10 minutes and one of 15 minutes... just to get an answer!!
The doctors surgery has about
12,000,000,000 patients (exaggeration) and about two phones!!
I think it is about time they changed surgeries.. Tony and Allan... It never was that way before they changed it to the *new improved* method!

SO.. by the time I managed to organise an appointment for him I was sick of the very idea of reading!!

So folks, now you know what a miserable woman I am!
I'll be okay later, I promise. ;-0)

anyway, tea time so I have to go now.
See you all tomorrow when I am feeling a little less fraught.

love to all, and especially those I have not mentioned.
Deanna XXX

Sorry Ann.

So many do think I am bitter over a one off incident.If you haven't lived it you can't even see it I feel.

From the responses on my thread it seems that a good many of us felt we were alone in our suffering and we are just a tiny proportion of the population.

Let us just hope that finding an explanation has some positive results for Carole.

Gail hope you are now on them mend.
How frustrating to have all those eggs and not be able to eat them!

Mary, at least sarah had a tasty snack.

sorry carole got my brain in a twist there, have adjusted my post.

sharron, in my post I did say my Mum was not narcissistic and if you read it what I am saying is not that she was strict but that she didn't give either praise or a lot of affection.

Ann
Glos

Oh my goodness, we were going to have broccoli for supper today. Have our Easter turkey in the oven and spuds baking, and broccoil (4 heads) soaking in ice water as it was a bit limp. I went to put on a load of laundry and when I returned, half the broccoli had gone. Here's Miss Sarah, sitting in the lounge, feet up in the recliner chair, with a bowl of raw broccoli and salad dressing, having a feast LOL. Something's wrong with me, that was supposed to feed seven people . . . and I'm not even annoyed. We'll just have to think of something else. Save the panic for something big . . .
i sent a letter to several people in my address book re the fundraiser we're planning. My son's g'friend was a pastry chef in a swanky restaurant in Toronto, slipped at work on a wet floor and damaged her elbow, leaving her with limited use of her dominant hand. She is being re-trained in something totally different, but when she heard what we were trying to do, she's offered to bake for a huge bake sale, and to beg the efforts and donations of all her chef friends to have a grandiose bake sale. To help the kids. Then she said, if you are having trouble raising the funds, I'll help you, I've paid off my debts with the settlement for my elbow, and I can help you. You can either pay me back or pay it forward.
What a special girl my son has landed, totally sweet and unselfish. Whew . . . regardless I feel better, knowing that my son and Joanne are willing to be involved, even at a distance. Dave has a friend who is a manager at one of the hotel in Niagara Falls and he's attempting to have a room donated for a day in which to hold a big event, including bake sale, silent auction and entertainment. Maybe a dinner dance. Another friend of his is a manager at one of the big retail stores and he's hoping to help also. This thing is exploding, even if we can raise half, the trainer will go through with it and trust us to pay the rest as we can. Amazing.
I'm overwhelmed and we havent taken in a penny yet LOL.
have to run, Sarah's investigating the "chicken" aka turkey. not safe with hot grease, but she's seen the spuds baking and loves baked potatoes.
TTFN, off to prevent a crisis!!
Mary

Kathy I was having two driving lessons a day with a break inbetween to try to get certain manouvrers to stick in my head. I went out for a lesson in the morning, with my quite cute driving instructor. Got home, oh and I went shopping to Tesco's, and I felt something move down my jeans leg. I looked down to see my knickers from the day before hanging out of the bottom! ( I put my thumbs inside my knickers and jeans, and push the whole lot down, so next day getting dressed pants had got lodged down one leg). Latter while having next driving lesson I recalled the knickers and got the giggles, "what if they had made their appearance while I had been driving that morning"? Of course cutie asked what are you laughing at? Ok , I flirted and told him!!

Went to parents yesterday, (Ann they are still here with me) oh didn't want to go. Mum said is he fed up of coming? I said he was, he works six days a week and sits there on his one day off every week. Everyone gets fed up coming she said. Yes well s*** happens I thought. I told her oh was going to look on internet and book a holiday for us in October. She said "Oh alright for you rich people". I wish, we work, both of us, and I should have reminded her how many holidays they took a year, more than the one we will have. I always think of an answer too late. She wanted me to send away for a bird feeder out of NoTW paper. I got dads cheque book and found a stub with nothing wrote on it. I asked why there was no record on it , Mum didn't know. While she was out of the room dad was scowling at me, and gesturing I shut up. I asked what have you had ?He pointed to his wrist. I remembered my sister said she had sent for a watch for him . He tries to get stuff but feels he has to keep it a secret! While she spends hundreds on the garden. She forgets it is his money his pensions and his savings! Mum says she went without for years, and she has the money now. She forgets she didn't go to work after she was about 50.

Sharron I'll give you praise, no more than you deserve. The way you look after your dad is nothing short of fantastic. If it wasn't for the way you have helped him to help himself, where would he be now? Believe that xx

Thanks for pm's I really appreciate them

Hope everyone is enjoying their Easter break. (Kathy from another heathen south of the boarder)!!!

I think you have to hang on to the fact that Carole's mother's judgement is far too biased to have any worth. It is not considered and without any precedent..This is one of the coping strategies I used to help me disregard the poison that issued in an endless stream from the mouth of the woman who gave birth to me.

Like so many,Ann of Glos seems to confuse having a strict mother with having a narcissistic one.Truly,they are not the same animal.Strict usually comes with structure and order and takes a bit of thought and effort,narcissism is pure self-indulgence.

There's my pontificate done for today.

Hope you are all enjoying Easter.Good to see Gail is feeling better.I have read that flu is natures way of de-toxing.Makes you feel like you have been scrubbed out well!

Have surfaced for a while, am trying to read post but nothing in settling properly in my brain just yet.

OH has the flu jab and got a very mild dose of this flu. I have an egg allergy so cannot have the flu injection. As I am not around people much, when I do get the chance I seem to pick everything up.

I can hear you say, an egg allergy with all those chooks??? I love my chickens, but have to be very careful when collecting the eggs and cooking for OH. I just love having my chickens around, not their fault I am allergic to their produce.

Carole, trouble is your mother is still around to pass judgement, I know how much it hurts and it is difficult to let go of. When I finally stood up for myself, the look on my mothers face was horrifying. She never spoke to me for 6 months. I had my dad trying to get me to apologise and I refused, I think dad really copped it over those 6 months and I did not back down. It took so much for me to not back away like I usually did. She tried to get me to leave my OH, who is a wonder person, she did not approve, so did everything she could to split us up and I snapped. She never did get over me standing up for myself and I would just have to tell her to back off and mind her own business. I was in my late thirties then, it did get easier. It was a constant battle of wills though. When it got too bad I would break off contact for a while. I know this would be difficult for you to do with your dad not being well though.

But, like you when things do go wrong it is still my fault and I really have to kick myself to stop the blame game. It is a huge learning curve you will be on with the phys, give it a go and see how you progress.

Love and hugs

Gail

Kathy Lol Lol!!! and happy Easter to you!! Poor bank clerk!! Bet he wondered how he was supposed to recognise your ID from your knickers!

Happy Easter to you all and thanks Liz for the lovely easter card .

We are heathens here in scotland and don't celebrate easter as much as south of the border ( or we are too mean to buy cards !!!! )

Have not been on the boards this week as still got sore back from too much gardening .The osteopath has been on hols but will be back tomorrow so will make an appointment .Think I might be cheaper getting a gardener as I do this to my back every year !!!!

Been on bird patrol as a pigeon collided with the window last night .Put it in the cat basket over night then put it in a neighbours garden this morning.This has freaked my cat out as he thought he was going to the vet when he saw me with the basket . He decided to go out and seconds later I found him with a blackbird !!!! Back into rescue mode and blackbird rehomed in another neighbours garden . I refuse to look out again today !!!

Carole got a funny for you .I always carry a spare pair of knickers in my bag and last week I was at the bank and the nice young male cashier asked for i.d .I pulled out my bank cards and you guessed my knickers landed on the counter don't know who was more embarressed him or me .!!!

Hope you all have a nice week end and those who are poorly feel better soon .

kathy xxxx

Hazel, yes he is in the best place, good job he was there when he had the second one. Hope all is well fir him soon.

Lily, Happy Easter to you too, must have been confusing being called by different names.

Liz, hope you can get some sleep so you are not so tired.

Sharron it must be difficult if both you and your partner have problems relating back to your childhoods. Hopefully, knowing the problem is half the battle.

My Mum was not narcissistic but she was never lavish with praise. she was more of the school of thought that pride comes before a fall, was very Victorian in her attitude as well. I always remember at a school open day she was reading my English book and we had to write an essay (as you do) called 'What I like best about me" or something like that, and I wrote My hair was my best point because it was long and thick. She laughed at me and said it was 'silly'. She didn't like vanity. I was always careful to praise my children because of the hurt she caused me with her 'funny' ideas. fortunately it didn't have a lasting effect on me.

Carol the past can't be wiped clean because you feel cannot blame your Mum . But, knowing the reason for how you feel, you can try and make an effort to put it behind you. You now know you are a good person, you are well liked, you hold down a good job, you have a family who i am sure love you. My OH also checks what I put in the trolly and looks for cheaper options. I tell him if he wants to do the shopping, he is welcome, he can make the lists, do the shopping and cook the food he chooses and I will stay home. He soon changes his attitude. You, of course are not useless, he has too much time on his hands!!!
Ask him if he is judging you, I am sure he is not, he is just concerned for you. can you put the extra cover just on your side of the bed, it is always difficult if one feels the cold and one doesn't but it is easily sorted and you should not feel guilty.
Of course people like to be made to laugh, it is good that you realise they are laughing with you not at you now.
I suspect that now you are older you realise that not all criticism is destructive, sometimes people are just trying to help.
It sounds as if you were having a 'down' day so i hope today will be better for you.

I hope all those who were down and suffering, and especially Gail who was poorly yesterday are feeling a little better and more positive today.

Ann
Glos ☺☺☺

With you all the way there Carole.

You feel like it is all your fault because you were always told it was."Now look what you made me do!"

I never had any praise from either parent so I am always looking for it but never believe it.My partner,whose mother is also narcissistic,finds it very hard to communicate.He does have confidence in places that I don't and I in places he does not.

He doesn't really know how to relate to or treat people because he has never been shown.Since the death of my mother I have had to learn to not be on constant look-out for a fight.

Thank you for taking the narcissism article with you.I feel that the one thing we who have identified the cause of our suffering can do is to make it as well known as possible for the benefit of those poor little children who are having to deal,unsupported,with the same misery.